Wondering about surrender, trust, rest, boundaries.
I like to have a plan, know what to expect. Things are supposed to go a certain way. A+B should equal C. Can you see my white nuckles holding tightly to the stearing wheel?
I've been noticing that as we've been maneuvering through our life together (my husband and I) I've been doing a lot of convincing, controlling, owning things that aren't mine. Rats! not a fun realization.
What if I could learn to float down the river? Maybe I could learn to lose my sense of expectation and need for control. Maybe I could grow in trust of him who holds all of this and knows what I need. Maybe I could surrender to his knowing where it's all going and how it will end up. Ah, but that would require believing his heart toward me was gentle and caring. I question that sometimes. I find at times that I still believe in harsh, cold, angry GOD. I thought I had lost him, squashed him, routed him out long ago. How did he get back in here?
Still needing more of loving, gentle, forgiving, big-daddy God. Imagine that.
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Hi Gloria,
Some comments by C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity came to mind when I read your driving piece. I'll summarize them here:
Lewis says that even the best Christian who ever lived is only "nourishing or protecting a life he could never have acquired by his own efforts". He goes on to describe some practical consequences to that reality with an analogy: As long as a physical body is alive, it will repair damage that occurs. "A live body is not one that never gets hurt" Lewis says, "but one that can to some extent repair itself". In the same way, it is the "Christ-life" inside us that renews and restores us when we are spiritually/emotionally/psychologically damaged.
I like to think in terms of a regenerative inner life. It seems one of the more hopeful aspects of the human condition.
Thanks for the opportunity to think deeply.
GEC
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