Lenten Freedom

So I fasted from sugar for lent. This is the first time I've fasted from anything during lent. So I wondered what it would... unearth? At first all I noticed was how much I missed sugar, how excutiating it was to smell chocolate or fresh-baked rolls. I decided to place scripture in sugar's old spot - get a belly full of God.

As the days rolled on the sugar tension eased and some questions started to rise up. What was is like for Jesus to enter into this wilderness experience? Was fasting something he'd practiced? Did he intend to fast from food or was he simply dependent on what the Father was providing and food currently wasn't provided?

I also noticed that fasting from sugar for the sake of knowing Christ was far different that fasting from sugar for the sake of my pants size. My motivation and my internal dialogue was different.

As Easter began to draw near I noticed a sense of freedom. Pete and I have been considering some food changes in our household - this time for the sake of our brains. These changes include cutting out sugar and simple carbs. As I began this fast I couldn't wait to get back to eating sugar. Now I find that sugar's hold on me has greatly decreased. Before this lenten experience considering food changes would have been quite difficult. I did partake in sugar on Sunday but it didn't thrill me. What thrilled me was knowing that my Hope is alive.

So I'm wondering... what else? Sugar was a god in my life. There are others. "Wow, I couldn't really imagine living without that." What things do I think that about? Maybe there's freedom beyond those as well. You think?

Restoration

Restoration
comes
to
those
long
devastated.

Judy Hougen spoke those words yesterday during her sermon. They rang within me. I repeated them over and over hoping to remember them, hoping to impress them on my heart, hoping for hope.

I am waking up. I am beginning to see new things. I am being called out of passivity and death into life. I am being transformed. I am finding out who He is and who I am. But there is so much new-ness. As the wind of God blows in my life I am experiencing the waves of resistance. Today I feel like the boat is swamped and we might be going down.

I've been waking each morning with the sense of being overwhelmed, behind, "under it". Today it was there again but I invited God into all of these places. I even invited him into the ways I have been escaping and trying to soothe these aches. I'm not sure what will happen from here. Perhaps today will be a day of tears.

This coming alive is painful.