I recognized today my desire for communion. For community. I said to God, "I want to build it, like a house, and live in it and enjoy it." At first this seemed a bit selfish to me. Then I read this and began to wonder if this "house" might provide shelter for more than myself. Mmmm. Delightful wondering.
And yet this growth is like the slowness of the silent, forest day. The sun rises, the soft needles drift down, the branches sway, perhaps rain drips down. Nothing noisy, eventful, dramatic happens. Gentle rhythms are the main event. Slowly, silently - growth is happening.
Living things need an appropriate climate in order to grow and bear fruit. If they are to develop to completion, they require an environment that allows their potential to be realized. The seed will not grow unless there is soil that can feed it, light to draw it forth, warmth to nurture and moisture that unlocks its vitality. Time is also required for its growth to unfold.
... Meditation is the attempt to provide the soul with the proper environment in which to grow and become. In the lives of people like St. Francis or St. Catherine of Genoa one gets a glimpse of what the soul is able to become. Often this is seen as the result of heroic action lying beyond the possibility of ordinary people. The flowering of the human soul, however, is more a matter of the proper psychological and spiritual environment than of particular gifts or disposition or heroism. How seldom we wonder at the growth of the great redwood from a tiny seed dropped at random on the littered floor of the forest. From one seed is grown enought wood to frame several hundred houses. The human soul has seed potentional like this if it has the right environment. Remember that only in a few mountain valleys were the conditions right for the Sequoia gigantea, the mighty redwood, to grow.
... For both the seed and the soul, these things all take time. In both cases there is need for patience. Most of us know enough not to poke at the seed to see if it is sprouting, or to try to hurry it along with too much water or fertilizer or cultivation. The same respect must be shown for the soul as its growth starts to take place. Growth can seldom be forced in nature. Whether it is producing a tree or a human personality, nature unfolds it's growth slowly, silently.
~From The Other Side of Silence by Morton T. Kelsey
Friday, November 11, 2005
Friday, November 04, 2005
new van -- new vein
new van
Soon after we got pregnant we realized that we had a vehicle problem. The Mazda protege won't accommodate three children in the back - at least not in today's required carseats. We might have been able to get all three in the back of our Ford F-150 Extended Cab but that would have been both difficult and a tight fit. So we decided it was time to get a family truckster, a grocery getter, a van.
I am loving our new van.
First, it's just fun to have a new vehicle.
Second, it is still relatively clean. That's a big deal for our family. Not sure how long that will last.
Third, it's an automatic. "What's the big deal about having an automatic?" you ask. Well, this is only the second automatic vehicle I have ever owned. I had to learn to drive with a stick shift - that was not easy. For about a year I owned a Cutlass Cruiser (station wagon). It was lovely. I felt like I was floating down the highway. Pete and I sold that just before we got married. Since then it's been all manual transmissions. Do you know how difficult it is to eat an ice cream cone while driving a manual transmission? Aaargh! Well, this new van is a dream. It is so easy and I can do almost all of the driving with just ONE hand - wow! And just the other day I bought an ice cream cone, and I held it in my right hand, and I never once changed hands, and I ate it all without the least inconvenience - it was so sweet!
Fourth, it has an incredible number of cup holders and storage cubbies. I love cup holders and storage cubbies. There's even a hidden cubbie in the door armrest.
Fifth, I can slide in and out of this vehicle easily, even with this giant baby-belly-body.
Sixth, it will be so easy to get the baby in and out of this vehicle. Whew! Sure, they weigh about nothing when they first come out but soon you fear you will tear a muscle carrying that baby-in-carseat to and from anywhere. And getting it in and out of a vehicle can be back breaking.
Seventh, it's dark grey. We decided to get a year end deal by buying a 2005. Our color choices were white and baby blue. But at the last minute he found us a dark grey - wooo hooo!
Yeah, I think that's about it.
new vein
I got some really great varicose veins during my pregnancy with #2. I've added to my collection with this pregnancy. Yesterday, while toweling off after my shower, I found a spot near one of my new veins that was hot and sore. Uh-oh!
I called the nurseline and they, of course, wanted to see me at the hospital to check it out. And yes, I have a clot. It's not deep though, and that's good because we are hoping to treat it "non-agressively". I didn't ask what "aggressive" treatment might look like - yikes! "Non-agressive" currently means lying down 4 times a day and applying a hot compress to the spot, drinking lots of fluids, not crossing my legs or staying seated for too long, and watching for signs that things have gotten worse. The fear is that the clot would go deep and cut off circulation to my leg or would make it's way to my lung - which of course would be bad.
The bit of good news in all of this is that my midwife said that magic word... "induce". I said how great that would be and then asked when. She said week 39. That means I could possibly have this baby out in just 2 weeks!!! Oh Halleluia! Hang in there body-o-mine. I promise never to do this to you again.
Soon after we got pregnant we realized that we had a vehicle problem. The Mazda protege won't accommodate three children in the back - at least not in today's required carseats. We might have been able to get all three in the back of our Ford F-150 Extended Cab but that would have been both difficult and a tight fit. So we decided it was time to get a family truckster, a grocery getter, a van.
I am loving our new van.
First, it's just fun to have a new vehicle.
Second, it is still relatively clean. That's a big deal for our family. Not sure how long that will last.
Third, it's an automatic. "What's the big deal about having an automatic?" you ask. Well, this is only the second automatic vehicle I have ever owned. I had to learn to drive with a stick shift - that was not easy. For about a year I owned a Cutlass Cruiser (station wagon). It was lovely. I felt like I was floating down the highway. Pete and I sold that just before we got married. Since then it's been all manual transmissions. Do you know how difficult it is to eat an ice cream cone while driving a manual transmission? Aaargh! Well, this new van is a dream. It is so easy and I can do almost all of the driving with just ONE hand - wow! And just the other day I bought an ice cream cone, and I held it in my right hand, and I never once changed hands, and I ate it all without the least inconvenience - it was so sweet!
Fourth, it has an incredible number of cup holders and storage cubbies. I love cup holders and storage cubbies. There's even a hidden cubbie in the door armrest.
Fifth, I can slide in and out of this vehicle easily, even with this giant baby-belly-body.
Sixth, it will be so easy to get the baby in and out of this vehicle. Whew! Sure, they weigh about nothing when they first come out but soon you fear you will tear a muscle carrying that baby-in-carseat to and from anywhere. And getting it in and out of a vehicle can be back breaking.
Seventh, it's dark grey. We decided to get a year end deal by buying a 2005. Our color choices were white and baby blue. But at the last minute he found us a dark grey - wooo hooo!
Yeah, I think that's about it.
new vein
I got some really great varicose veins during my pregnancy with #2. I've added to my collection with this pregnancy. Yesterday, while toweling off after my shower, I found a spot near one of my new veins that was hot and sore. Uh-oh!
I called the nurseline and they, of course, wanted to see me at the hospital to check it out. And yes, I have a clot. It's not deep though, and that's good because we are hoping to treat it "non-agressively". I didn't ask what "aggressive" treatment might look like - yikes! "Non-agressive" currently means lying down 4 times a day and applying a hot compress to the spot, drinking lots of fluids, not crossing my legs or staying seated for too long, and watching for signs that things have gotten worse. The fear is that the clot would go deep and cut off circulation to my leg or would make it's way to my lung - which of course would be bad.
The bit of good news in all of this is that my midwife said that magic word... "induce". I said how great that would be and then asked when. She said week 39. That means I could possibly have this baby out in just 2 weeks!!! Oh Halleluia! Hang in there body-o-mine. I promise never to do this to you again.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Baby blather
I flipped the calendar to November and thought, "Oh my gosh! This is the month the baby comes! I can't believe we're that close."
She is due 3 weeks from tomorrow. 3 WEEKS!!! Every now and then I sort of freak out. Most days I would really like to have her out of my body, NOW! But reality hits when I think about something like writing out my birth plan. I get a shiver down my spine.
Sometimes the reality check is sweet, like when I try to picture what sweet-baby-girl will look like, smell like, feel like. We are so close to meeting her and there is nothing like that first introduction - pure glory!
Other times the reality check is a slow dawning.
I went completely drug free with #1's labor and delivery. (please insert amazed oohs and aaahs - whatever.) All the right elements were present: a supportive husband, a supportive midwife (John is the best!), a rested body, and a very motivated me. I rode the waves of pain like a surfer. Sure I got wet but I was able to stay just above the waves. All in all the labor was a relatively normal 24 hours and I only pushed for 30 minutes - pretty sweet all things considered.
The elements weren't quite so right with #2. We weren't rested - the hardest part of labor happened late at night. My midwife wasn't emotionally supportive, very clinical, which I think is so strange for a midwife to be clinical. anyway. The waves were on top of me. I couldn't get up. Crash! Crash! Crash! So I asked for drugs. I got an intrathecal, a shot of morphine to the spine. It's similar to an epidural but not so numbing. I could get up and walk if I wanted to. It tickled and tingled like when a limb falls asleep. It was a dream! The midwife asked, "what do you want to do now?" Jokingly I said, "Take a nap." She said, "O.K." "What!? Really? Sweet!" So we did. We took a nap for about 45 minutes. I woke knowing it was time to push. It was hell trying to wake Pete - he was out! We got the midwife and nurse in there and that baby was out in ten minutes. Ouch!
Afterwards I thought, "Why in the heck did I not take drugs with #1? Drugs rock!"
So I've been planning on having drugs with this baby. But here's the slow dawning... You don't get drugs with the first real contraction. You don't even go to the hospital until the contractions are coming every 5 minutes, and you can't talk or walk through one. Duh! It's like I'd thought I was going to get out of ALL of the pain - silly me. Crap! I can't believe I'm about to do this again. Plus, who knows, I may get there too late to have drugs. Third time around but I still don't really know what I'm in for. Oh boy!
Her room looks good. Just a few details to finish. And you just have to see the carseat - it so cute! We didn't want to spend $100 for a pink carseat. So we bought the brand we wanted but it had pooh on it, new pooh. I'm all for vintage pooh but I can't stand new pooh (I know that I just lost most of you there, but hang in there). Anyway, I got some vintage chenille off of ebay and covered the seat cushion and made a new hood. It is the cutest car seat EVER! When I first bring the baby around you'll be wanting to see the girl and I'll be "who cares about the baby! look at the carseat!" just kidding.
Well, this has gone on long enough. Perhaps tomorrow I can bore you with my complaints about how horribly huge and uncomfortable I've become. Thanks for listening to my blather.
She is due 3 weeks from tomorrow. 3 WEEKS!!! Every now and then I sort of freak out. Most days I would really like to have her out of my body, NOW! But reality hits when I think about something like writing out my birth plan. I get a shiver down my spine.
Sometimes the reality check is sweet, like when I try to picture what sweet-baby-girl will look like, smell like, feel like. We are so close to meeting her and there is nothing like that first introduction - pure glory!
Other times the reality check is a slow dawning.
I went completely drug free with #1's labor and delivery. (please insert amazed oohs and aaahs - whatever.) All the right elements were present: a supportive husband, a supportive midwife (John is the best!), a rested body, and a very motivated me. I rode the waves of pain like a surfer. Sure I got wet but I was able to stay just above the waves. All in all the labor was a relatively normal 24 hours and I only pushed for 30 minutes - pretty sweet all things considered.
The elements weren't quite so right with #2. We weren't rested - the hardest part of labor happened late at night. My midwife wasn't emotionally supportive, very clinical, which I think is so strange for a midwife to be clinical. anyway. The waves were on top of me. I couldn't get up. Crash! Crash! Crash! So I asked for drugs. I got an intrathecal, a shot of morphine to the spine. It's similar to an epidural but not so numbing. I could get up and walk if I wanted to. It tickled and tingled like when a limb falls asleep. It was a dream! The midwife asked, "what do you want to do now?" Jokingly I said, "Take a nap." She said, "O.K." "What!? Really? Sweet!" So we did. We took a nap for about 45 minutes. I woke knowing it was time to push. It was hell trying to wake Pete - he was out! We got the midwife and nurse in there and that baby was out in ten minutes. Ouch!
Afterwards I thought, "Why in the heck did I not take drugs with #1? Drugs rock!"
So I've been planning on having drugs with this baby. But here's the slow dawning... You don't get drugs with the first real contraction. You don't even go to the hospital until the contractions are coming every 5 minutes, and you can't talk or walk through one. Duh! It's like I'd thought I was going to get out of ALL of the pain - silly me. Crap! I can't believe I'm about to do this again. Plus, who knows, I may get there too late to have drugs. Third time around but I still don't really know what I'm in for. Oh boy!
Her room looks good. Just a few details to finish. And you just have to see the carseat - it so cute! We didn't want to spend $100 for a pink carseat. So we bought the brand we wanted but it had pooh on it, new pooh. I'm all for vintage pooh but I can't stand new pooh (I know that I just lost most of you there, but hang in there). Anyway, I got some vintage chenille off of ebay and covered the seat cushion and made a new hood. It is the cutest car seat EVER! When I first bring the baby around you'll be wanting to see the girl and I'll be "who cares about the baby! look at the carseat!" just kidding.
Well, this has gone on long enough. Perhaps tomorrow I can bore you with my complaints about how horribly huge and uncomfortable I've become. Thanks for listening to my blather.
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