So shall I turn

You strengthen me more and more; you enfold and comfort me.
Psalm 71:21

I've been going through the Boundaries book for a year or so. Recently I've been reading Narcissistic Family.
This journey has been:
good
painful
horrible
beautiful
awakening
painful
enlightening
strengthening
loving
courageous
painful
hopeful

Certain days (today) I want to run away. I want to nap all day and see no one for eons. I want to escape.

I've been awakened. I have become aware. I am learning to be with myself. In so doing I feel pain. I desperately want to alleviate the pain, the anxiety. I look to the old ways - food, TV, spending, computer games - they do not do a very good job.

Yet, I feel that I want to congratulate myself for using food, TV, spending, games to numb myself, to cope. That was a resourceful thing to do. Those were the options that were available to me. Thing is, now I want to leave them - turn instead to other helpers. And more than that I want to get healing for the underlying issues. The old ways only worked to mask the pain that issued from the interior wound - they had no positive effect upon the wound itself.

What will heal me?

Open, Lord, my eyes that I may see.
Open, Lord, my ears that I may hear.
Open, Lord my heart and my mind that I may understand.
So shall I turn to you and be healed.
traditional prayer